goodbye to our brian.

this post is probably the hardest i have ever had to write.  on saturday june 8th, my cousin brian passed away after fighting for his life for over a week after a motorcycle accident.  he held on for as long as he could and gave us time to accept that we might have to say goodbye.  there were a few days during that week that we were all so hopeful that he would recover because he was proving the doctors wrong left and right but his brain injuries were just too severe. i believe during that week brian was struggling to make a very hard decision - go to heaven to be with my grandma, grandpa, my friend brynn, and many others and be freed from the trials of this life or stay on earth to face the many, many challenges after the brain injuries he had sustained.  i am grateful for the time we had to say goodbye, i will treasure it for the rest of my life.  

saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing i've ever had to do.  i was fortunate to spend lots of time with him while he was in a coma in the hospital and i got him to myself a lot late at night.  i got to tell him many of the things that i didn't get to say in the past year and tell him how much i love him.  i still feel like there is so much that i left unsaid, but i know he can hear me when i talk to him now.  i can feel his spirit with me and i know he is watching over me and my family. 

brian was the most generous, giving person i have ever met and he was able to give one last gift before he left this earth - the donation of his organs.  on the day we said goodbye the thought of all those who would get a second chance at life because of this gift made me so, so happy.  as a nurse who takes care of children waiting for heart transplants, i know how special this gift is and how grateful those who receive it are.  brian wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

like i said in my previous post about sweet brian, we have been close since we were little.  he was more like an older brother to me than a cousin and taught me so many things that i wouldn't have learned without him {good and naughty...ha!}  this video has always been precious to me but now it means so much more.  i was 1 or 2 when my dad recorded this and brian showed me this amount of love and care my entire life.

some of my favorite memories with brian happened in the car.  we drove around a lot together.  when i was 15 he let me drive his truck around a church parking lot and i absolutely loved it.  after i had actually learned to drive he taught me how to drive a stick in his bmw mini cooper and let me tell you, i was terrible!  but he continued to let me try even though i'm pretty sure i almost killed us.  he just laughed through it.  his laugh is the best thing in the world, and it breaks my heart that i won't hear it anymore.  

on one of my first days living in provo i was driving on campus and turned too sharp while making a left turn and popped my tire on the median.  i was sooo embarrassed and knew my dad was going to kill me.  i immediately called brian, who was literally about to take his boat on utah lake with my cousins, and he came right away to save me.  he put on my spare tire and arranged for a new one to replace it, all without my dad knowing.  what cousin does that!!!  haha, my dad is just now finding out about this...brian was excellent at keeping secrets.

when brian and my cousins opened their rice pudding shop my freshman year at byu i was one of their first employees.  i love love loved working with my cousins.  i remember late nights cleaning the store after closing blasting the killers {our favorite was all these things that i've done} and brian griping about cleaning the floor - he always let me do the easy jobs while he did the hard stuff.  i then started making all the pudding for the store each morning and one time i forgot to put sugar in an entire days batch.  i thought they were going to kill me, but brian just laughed and brushed it off and said it was no big deal.  i've never lived that stupid mistake down, and i'm going to miss him making fun of me for it!  that was the most fun i've ever had at a job.

after my first year of college i continued to work in provo that summer but didn't have a place to stay, so what did brian do?!  he let me live with him and my cousin stephen.  i slept on an air mattress in his bedroom and we would stay up late chatting about everything.  he would listen to me cry about dumb boys and i would try to steer him away from stupid girls.  he deserved the absolute best and i know he will find his special someone in heaven.  one of our favorite weekly traditions was to pick up sinful sundaes at outback steakhouse and watch desperate housewives together.  we both have quite the sweet tooth and he was always willing to help me get my fix.  always.  we took tennis lessons together, went to lunch multiple times a week {he practically fed me the entire time i lived in provo}...we did everything together.  that was one of the best times of my life.  brian was my best friend.  

brian's opinion meant everything to me and i really wanted him to get along with whoever i married.  if brian didn't like them, it probably wasn't going to work out!  when isaac was worried about meeting my extended family who immediately welcomed him and made him feel comfortable?  brian.  they became close friends very quickly and i am so grateful for that.  brian was amazing to my isaac and helped him in every aspect of life.  that is just what brian did.  if anyone needed anything, and i mean anything, brian was there to help.  i feel so indebted to him, he did so much for me.

i could go on and on and on.  i just want to remember every little experience brian and i had together.  my heart is broken into a million little pieces.  i have never experienced such pain before, and i'm only his cousin.  i am so, so sad.  i can't even imagine how his parents and siblings are feeling.  i was so lucky to be a part of brian's family.  he made every single one of his friends and family members feel important and loved, i honestly don't know how he did it.  he made everyone feel like they were his best friend.  i want to be more like him.

heaven is so lucky to have brian.  i am so grateful for my faith and for the knowledge that i will be with brian again.  i know he is so happy where he is and that he will continue to bless mine and my family's life from above.  i now have two very special guardian angels watching over me.  i really, really, really want to make them proud.

brian, i love you and will miss and think of you every day until i join you in heaven.  you are the best, best, best.  

prayers for brian.

 i have been struggling to write this post for a few days now.  many of you know through my instagram and facebook that my cousin brian was in a motorcycle accident on thursday night.  isaac and i were in seattle driving back to our hotel when we found out that he was in bad shape in the intensive care unit. the pain i felt was so similar to what i felt when i learned my sweet friend brynn had died, and i couldn't believe a tragedy like this was happening to me again.  we immediately decided to drive home that night to be with him and our family.  isaac drove 13 hours straight through the night and is my hero husband.

we are now on day 5 and are amazed at all the miracles that have taken place.  according to the doctors, brian is not supposed to be here right now.  they initially called his brain injuries catastrophic and said he could not recover from them.  later that first night he tried to pull his breathing tube out and that changed their minds pretty fast!  he has been amazing the doctors and overcoming challenges ever since.

brian and i always had a very special bond growing up, but we became really close when i moved to provo to go to byu.  brian and i spent so much time together - he fed me constantly, we forced each other to exercise, and we took advantage of my gap discount frequently.  he took me shooting for the first time, introduced me to my first smart cookie ice cream sandwich, blew up countless things out at utah lake, and we even stalked gary coleman's house and saw his tiny shadow in the window!  haha, those are some of my favorite, favorite memories.  growing up he used to tickle us until we said he was "the best" and that is truly what everyone who knows him says about him.  he is the best!

brian is the most kind, generous, loving person and our whole family is devastated by this accident.  he still has so much to overcome and i ask you to please, please send your prayers and positive vibes his way!  he is fighting so hard to stay with us and we are so full of hope.  his doctors and nurses have been miracle workers, and we are so grateful.  i must say, it is terrible being on the other side - i would much rather be the nurse!  and i have zero experience in neuro stuff so it makes it even worse, but i have learned so much.

this whole thing just sucks!  i really, really want my brian back.  i can't imagine life without him.  for those of you who have reached out via calls, text, facebook, or instagram - thank you!  i love you all dearly and couldn't do this without you.  i have the best friends and family in the world.

now keep the prayers coming, brian needs them!

celebrating year four: part two.

the rest of our weekend was spent in the beautiful town of midway, where we stayed at the zermatt resort.  it was so nice!  we slept in, ate at our favorite places, got some sun and swam in the pool, took long drives, ate some more, and relaxed.  both of us had worked like crazy before the weekend so we could go away and we were exhausted!  it was so nice to get away from the world for a few days with my hubby and reminisce about our 4 years together and make plans for our 5th.  

see part one of our weekend here. 

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the time has finally come!  this morning we leave on our long drive to washington!!  we are so excited.  thank you for all the recommendations for our trip!  i may or may not pop in and say hi while on the trip, but you can bet i'll have lots of goodies to share when we get back.  adios amigos!

thanksgiving point 5k 2013.

this was our second year running the thanksgiving point 5k and it was so much fun!  tyler and jude joined us this year for the 5k and we loved it.  isaac was our cheerleader/photographer because of his bad knee and he got some really great shots thanks to mal's new camera!  malorie and i were determined to beat our time of 35 minutes last year and we did it in 33!  neither of us are runners and we definitely didn't train so we were pretty proud of ourselves.  next year maybe we'll shave off another 2 minutes...we'll see.  i think it's time to step up our game and run a 10k.  or maybe a mini triathlon?  you know, one where you swim a tiny bit, run a little bit, and bike a little more?  i think i could do that.  maybe...

i was pretty excited they had mini fat boys as a post-race treat.  who cares about the bananas and oranges...

where's emma?

amanda met us after the race {she was supposed to sign up and forgot!} and we had breakfast at kneaders and then went back to thanksgiving point for the tulip festival.  photo cred goes to mal for the fabulous flower photos!  we didn't get to see as many baby animals as last year which was a total rip off!  the baby animals are the best part if you ask me.  it was such a lovely spring day, i love this little tradition.

and my favorite photo of the day...

isaac posted this on instagram and said "go follow your dreams...i'll hold your bags."  that hubby of mine!  so freaking funny.

chocolate chip banana cookies.

a friend of mine in my ward/neighborhood made these cookies for me and i just died over them.  i begged her for the recipe and she told me it was her grandma's recipe - which makes it probably 75+ years old.  the original recipe doesn't have a temperature for the oven because back then there wasn't such a thing and she called the chocolate chips "chocolate bits".   they are a very fluffy, moist, and cake-like cookie, which i love.

ingredients:

2 1/4 cups flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

2/3 cup mashed bananas {about 1 1/2 - 2 bananas)

1/3 cup evaporated milk

1 teaspoon vanilla

2/3 cup shortening

2/3 cup sugar

2 eggs

1 cup chocolate bits {chips - i used semi-sweet}

directions:

preheat oven to 375.  whisk together and set aside the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.  mix together and set aside the mashed banana, evaporated milk, and vanilla.  cream shortening and sugar together in a mixer bowl and beat in one egg at a time.  then stir in 1/3 of the flour mixture, followed by 1/2 of the milk mixture, then 1/3 more of the flour mixture, then the rest of the milk mixture, followed by the rest of the flour mixture.  fold in chocolate bits.

drop on lightly greased cookie sheet and bake about 8-10 minutes.  remove from pan at once.  

makes about 2 dozen large cookies or 3 dozen small cookies.

enjoy! 

living traditions festival.

on friday night kat and i were deciding what we wanted to do when isaac suggested the living traditions festival!  we had never been before and were drawn by the 21 different food booths that made up their food market.  it truly was a multicultural dining adventure.  emma 5 years ago wouldn't have ventured to try so much ethnic food, but not anymore!  isaac has made me a much braver eater.  between the 4 of us {5 + the jude!} we had mexican, chinese, laotian, pakistani, thai, swiss, basque, italian and vietnamese food.  my favorite was the vietnamese fried rice & spring roll and the basque churros!  so good.  it was so much fun, we loved every single minute of it.  we can't wait to go next year - and isaac, we promise to do more than eat next time!  

also, aren't kat and i cute in our hunters?!  this photo truly displays just how bowlegged i am.  it's cool.  and get ready to see me in that jacket a lot.  we bought it at the north face for our trip and you can literally run it under water and the water just runs right off of it.  rainy seattle/portland here i come!  although i am praying for sunshine...

on saturday we did lots of prep for our trip and made time for a little baking {new recipe coming soon!} and the great gatsby.  we both really liked it!  everything was just sooooo beautiful.  it really is such a sad story.  and leo in that pink suit!  #dreamy

how was your weekend?!

upcoming adventure: sasquatch music festival.

 these are just a few of the amazing bands isaac and i will be seeing memorial day weekend at the sasquatch music festival!!!!  we are sooooo excited.  a few months ago isaac found out about said music festival in washington {one of our favorite places in the world - isaac served an lds mission there} and begged me to go.  i initially said no because we need to be saving every cent for a freaking house!!!  he then showed me the awesome lineup, the crazy fab venue, and proposed a road trip to washington and oregon and i was convinced.  this is one of those "we will never have a chance to do this once we have kids!" experiences so i told my music loving hubby yes.  it is going to be quite the adventure, and i am definitely going to be out of my comfort zone!  i love concerts, but i hate people.  and there are going to be sooooo many people there.  most of the people who go camp on site {it is included in the ticket price} but we both said no way to that so we're staying in a motel in a little town about 15 miles away.  this gal could not attend a 4 day music festival while camping.  

after the festival we are headed to seattle and some other parts of washington for a few days and then on to oregon!  it is going to be a two week adventure and we can't wait. 

so, i need your help.  are there any places we must visit in seattle or portland?!  we would love your recommendations!  you guys are the best.

images clipped from here.